Thank god I didn't get what I thought I wanted...

When I really think about it, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

If I had got what I wanted, I wouldn’t be where I am right now.

I have known from the age of 15/16 that I was different to the norm, but that never stopped me from still experiencing a lot of the things every 16, 18, 21 and 26-year-old experiences.

Each of us are dealt a unique set of cards and we have no say in what those are. We cannot choose who we are born as, but we do get to choose who we become.

We get to decide who we become through the mistakes we make, how we react to things, who we spend time with, what we do with our time, how we treat others along with so many other variables. Each of these variables affects how we behave, what we achieve and, in turn, who we become.

Everything that I didn’t get, when it was the only thing in the world that I wanted, led me to here. Every boy I wanted to be ‘the one’ and wasn’t, every business that I started but quit when it wasn’t lighting my spark anymore, every friendship that ended on a random Tuesday, every job that I wanted to love but left me drained. Every. single. no. or failure was a redirection. “No” never means no when it comes from the universe, it’s simply a “not yet.”

I find it hard to sleep some nights, with ideas whirling around in my mind about the possible ideas I have for my business, the things I really want to do next. I stay up because I am too excited to sleep. I used to look at this negatively because I can both shamefully and proudly admit that my work is pretty much all I think about. I have come to realise that when I am in work mode I really do feel like ‘me’, and I cannot help but be grateful that I can’t sleep because of how much I love what I do. When I used to stay up because I hated what I was doing, I’d stay up anxious for the next day. I am obsessed in the best way possible, that’s what keeps me awake.

Most successful people are obsessed. Michael Jordan did not become the Michael Jordan by being mediocre. Let’s be real, that man was obsessed with becoming the best player in the game and that he did. He trained no matter the day or the time, he learned through trying, he got better by missing, and he kept going. He was well and truly obsessed with the process. That’s dedication paired with obsession, and what a person he created within himself.

Now, I am well aware that what I do is in no way comparable to shooting hoops, yet the principle still applies.

I am also well and truly obsessed, with wanting more, learning, evolving, trying, failing and today I think I know what I’m doing, I think I know what I want, but that’s not to say I’ll definitely get it, and that’s okay.

When the goal and the why are that important, it doesn’t matter how you get there or how long it takes, it just matters that you stay with it, whatever ‘it’ is.

My end goal has never once changed, not an inch, but what I’m doing to get closer to that changes all the time. When your why is that big, you begin to understand that planning isn’t always beneficial, and when things don’t go to plan it shouldn’t affect your mood. Planning every step of your journey leaves no room for a detour to see a pretty view, a stop-off at the petrol station, or a diversion to miss a flood. Planning every step means you could miss out on opportunities that were destined for you. Just because ‘they are not in the plan’ does not mean they shouldn’t be. That opportunity you shy away from because it wasn’t planned could be the most life changing ‘yes’ you have ever said. It could lead you to a destination much better than your original one.

So yes, I thank God for not giving me what I wanted at every turn.

You have to look at situations through the lens of ‘what has it taught me’, no matter if it was good or bad.

Every season teaches you something. Every summer teaches you that your nose burns without sun cream, every winter reminds you that two pairs of socks are necessary when leaving the house, every autumn tells you that you shouldn’t have thrown away the leaf blower you found at the back of the garage, and every spring shows you yet again that you should not walk through the field with the baby lambs and protective mothers.

Every time you train with weights, microscopic tears are created in your muscles, this is so they can repair, rebuild and come back bigger. The same way every heartbreak makes it easier the next time you go through it.

Pain is necessary for growth. Pain is the greatest teacher of all time. You can see that as unfortunate, but that is simply life.

Comfortability can and will, trap you. The easy life leads to nowhere. You cannot change the world by sitting on the sofa all day, you cannot learn how to better your communication skills without communicating with others, you cannot love without the risk of getting hurt.

No risk = No story.

So yes, if you like, you can sit on the sofa all day, you can hide away from the world, but what a shame that is for your potential. If you chop off a plant at the stem, it doesn’t think ‘I guess that’s it then’, it regrows, and it regrows stronger and ten times better than before.

Maybe you didn’t get that thing you wanted so badly, but have you even considered if that could be a blessing?

It may not feel like it right now, but do your best to change your perspective, for you to look at it with ‘what has this taught me, how has it helped me to grow’ rather than ‘why hasn’t this happened for me and why do I never get what I want’.

The ‘why hasn’t this happened for me and why do I never get what I want’ mindset will get you to one place and one place only, that place is where you already are right now.

It’s your choice if you want to let life keep you up at night with excitement or from the fear of the unknown.

The unknown is the best part, because not knowing means anything could happen.

Sending Love,

K.