Breaking my flesh…

Sounds brutal, I know. I have only come across this term recently, in the same way I have started my walk with faith in recent months. I have been hesitant to write about this, and I honestly couldn’t tell you 100% why. Religion can be a touchy topic, and it almost feels political sometimes, but after these past few months, the Lord deserves to be spoken about. This journey deserves to be spoken about.

Me tearing up less than a paragraph in makes me feel as though the Holy Spirit is here, guiding my words.

I have always been a believer, a believer in something. I have always prayed, prayed to something. I have always felt a presence, a presence of something. To non-believers, it may seem strange, and I may sound weird… I’m completely okay with that. I’ve never known what it feels like to not believe in anything, and I couldn’t imagine what that would feel like. Therefore, I cannot put myself in a non-believer’s shoes. When I say non-believer, I mean of anything, whether that be God, the universe, fate… you know what I mean.

These past few months have been impactful. They have been filled with learning, gratitude, opportunities, joy, fellowship, and so much more. That is not to say that there have not been tests, lows, or doubt. Doubt can find its way into any situation, and if you don’t know how to tackle it, it will leave you stuck in a place you don’t belong. You’re deserving of more than what doubt will do to your life.

Every day for the past few weeks/months, I have been praying to God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. It started off slow; I started off shy. Like I said before, I have always prayed, but I wasn’t entirely sure who it was to, and I fear that I lacked intention when praying. This has been different, it has been emotional. In a state of prayer, I have found myself praying for people I haven’t spoken to in a long time, for people I hardly know, and for the people I know and love. It’s almost as if the thoughts and words are planted there for me because those prayers were and are needed.

I have found myself randomly feeling the urge to pray and being in tears within a few minutes, but like a storm, it passes, and I feel peace.

I have forgiven people I never thought I would forgive through prayer. I have wished well for people I never thought I could, and it has made me feel freer than ever before. I was so unaware of how much people from my past still had a hold over certain emotions and aspects of my life. Yet every time I have prayed regarding either of these things, I am left feeling lighter, like the load has been lifted.

Now, through all of this, I have learned what it really means to “break the flesh.” For anyone who hasn’t heard this term before, it means:

“Breaking the flesh,” or crucifying the flesh, is a Christian theological concept referring to overcoming selfish, sinful, and carnal desires that oppose God’s will. It involves repentance, disciplining bodily desires, and walking by the Spirit rather than indulging in lust, fear, or pride, often through fasting and prayer.

How this is done:

Repentance & Surrender: Actively turning away from sinful habits and submitting to God’s will.

Fasting and Prayer: Disciplining the body (e.g., abstaining from food or comfort) to strengthen the spirit.

Immersion in the Word: Using scripture to combat temptation and renew the mind.

Result: A shift from acting in fear or selfishness to having peace, joy, and a life led by the Holy Spirit.

Not Self-Loathing: The focus is on finding freedom, not self-harm or worthlessness.

Divine Assistance: Believers are meant to rely on God’s strength rather than purely on self-effort, trusting in the victory already won on the cross.

I am a girl who has lived a lot of her life pretty much unaware of how sin plays a role in our lives, whether it be lust, pride, gossip, lying, anger, etc. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have read a lot of books on mindset, watched a lot of podcasts on self-growth, and experienced things which have strengthened me, even while I was unaware of the links to Christianity. Yet here lies a bigger purpose, a better understanding.

I am not saying I am a new person, in no way. I am saying that I am on a journey and will make the biggest conscious effort to be the best possible person I can be. That means being even kinder, being even more empathetic, staying further away from gossip, not swearing, ridding lustful desires, choosing calm when I feel angry, and turning to God when I simply need help, without letting pride get in the way.

Many sins, without realising it, I took part in daily… but at what cost?

Even writing this, I try to imagine how the version of me a year ago would feel reading it. I never imagined it would be Christianity that called me. I never thought I could feel this close to someone I can’t see, yet I do. For every answered prayer, for every moment of weakness in which I am strengthened, for every bad habit I lose, for every sin that is no longer in my life, I am extremely grateful to feel this presence in my life. I am extremely thankful that I didn’t let pride get in the way.

Some of my favourite scriptures that I have come across recently:

Psalm 145:18 reads, “The Lord is near all who call out to Him.” This means God is accessible, present, and ready to respond to those who seek Him with sincere, honest hearts. It highlights a personal, relational closeness rather than mere physical omnipresence, offering comfort that God is close to the brokenhearted and attentive to authentic prayer.

Psalm 34:18 reads, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” This brings active hope. The verse assures that God will not just sit with you in the pain but will work to heal, restore, and save you from despair.

Proverbs 31:25 reads, “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” Meaning she has so much peace that she can face the future without worry or fear.

Now, although I’m just a baby Christian, boyyy, am I a proud one. By God’s grace, I hope to walk in the path that is meant for me, to be guided on this journey, to freely give in the same way I freely receive, and to forgive easily. To show stewardship by taking care of my body and resources, and showing kindness. To strive for peace with everyone, to speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, to be honest at all times, to simply, yet not simply at all, be a great example of a good human being for other human beings.

God graced me with a family who have taught me how to receive and give the most love, so what a shame it would be not to share that with others.

Sending love, always…

K.